Powerless.
It is one of the most difficult feelings to experience, and yet it is a reality of life. There will be times in our life when we are powerless in situations.
Your teenager that feels everything strongly and is convinced you have no idea what they’re going through? You’re powerless.
Your toddler that is insistent on climbing up and down the stairs and refuses to go past them without an epic meltdown? Powerless.
Your parent that is sick and slowly slipping away from you? You can’t change that.
Your elected officials being committed to making sure they have more choices about your body than you do? Their mind is made up.
So what do we do in these situations. What CAN we do?
We can identify where we do have choices.
Identifying your choices in a powerless situation
A common misconception is that the antithesis of powerlessness is power, but that’s not the case. The opposite is choice, which is why recognizing where you do have choice is the only way to move forward.
Your choices aren’t always clear, and they don’t always seem realistic, but I assure you that they exist. To help yourself identify any choices you might have, try asking yourself the following questions:
Can I change the outcome of this situation?
Do I have control over that person’s behavior?
Are there actions I can take to protect myself or those I love?
Can I tolerate this emotion?
Is there something I can do to make this situation more tolerable for myself?
Will admitting that I’m powerless help?
Odds are that at least one of those questions will help you identify the choice you have. Because although you are often powerless to change someone else’s behaviors or emotions, you can choose how you interact with or internalize them.
Ways to cope when a situation is out of your control
It’s no surprise that feeling powerless triggers our body’s natural survival instinct. Why? Because in the evolution of humans, powerlessness was a threat to survival. So that beautiful, magical brain of yours still responds to that feeling the same way it did for all of your ancestors who DID survive those situations. The problem is that now that response is not helping you, it’s harming you. Next time you find yourself feeling powerless, try one (or all) of these:
Admit that you do not have control. It sounds obvious, but the act of admitting to yourself that you do not have control in a situation can cause a profound shift in how you’re feeling. By admitting you do not have control, you remove the struggle from the situation you’re in and can start to shift into the space where you do recognize your choices. So that teenager of yours? You might not be able to prove to her that you know anything about life, but you can practice making space for her to feel those big emotions without getting caught in an argument about your own knowledge.
Take a deep breath. Yes, you’ve heard it a million times. That’s because it works. Taking a
slow, deep breath in and then exhale slowly, then repeat three times. Doing so will allow your
nervous system to start regulating. That means your heart rate will slow down, you’ll start being able to think more clearly, and you’ll feel calmer overall. That new legislation that makes being yourself a crime? You can’t change that it has been proposed, but if you can take a breath and help yourself regulate. Once your nervous system is out of fight or flight, you’ll be able to think clearly about the options you do have.
Move your body. Moving your body with intention is another way to help your nervous system recognize that it is safe. Often when we are in a situation where we’re powerless, we feel unsafe and can get stuck in that survival space (also known as fight or flight). By taking the time to move your body, you’re allowing yourself to confirm safety and you’re allowing yourself to release that stored adrenaline from your survival response.
Identify what choices you have. Even when you’re not able to control a situation, you always have a choice in how you respond. That toddler of yours? You might not be able to get them away from the stairs, but you can grab yourself a coffee and try to enjoy their endless giggles as they go up then down, then up, then down….then up, then down the stairs.
How EMDR Therapy can help when you feel powerless
There comes a point in life when we all get pushed beyond our current abilities. It’s a natural part of growth and something you can choose to embrace.
If you find that you are struggling with how to manage the current feelings of powerlessness, know that you are not alone. And know that you do not have to figure it out alone.
You may benefit from working with an EMDR Therapist. Often when we find ourselves stuck in a repeating pattern or having difficulty moving through a feeling, it’s because it is rooted in something historical. In those situations, meeting with an EMDR Therapist can help you identify how those past experiences interfere with your ability to cope in your present day. Once you & your EMDR Therapist help you heal those old experiences, you can then start identifying how you want to address your feelings now and in the future.
EMDR therapy will not only help you heal, it will help you feel empowered for how you want to handle the future.
After all, powerlessness will always be a part of life, but suffering does not have to be.
You’ve got this, mama. And as always, I’ve got you.
If you’re finding yourself struggling with your own sense of powerlessness, an EMDR Intensive might be a good fit for you. You can learn more here.
Comments